


Old Habits Die Hard

by zebraljb



Category: NSYNC
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-15
Updated: 2011-12-15
Packaged: 2017-10-27 09:40:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JC has a past, and Chris tries to help him fight it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Posted for Jess, the first person to really give me feedback here. :)

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
One

 

When Chris met JC Chasez, he thought that maybe JC was the dorkiest person on the planet. He was tall, too skinny, and had this God-awful Julius Caesar hairdo. He definitely was NOT star material. He had done all right on that Mickey Mouse Club gig, and then he had disappeared to California for a bit. He was kinda quiet, not exactly shy, just reserved. Until he performed. Chris watched him sing, and he swore that nuns in an abbey didn’t have the look of ecstasy on their faces during prayer that JC had when he sang. Chris was hooked. JC needed to be in the group he was forming.

 

In Europe JC was still dorky. Girls flocked to him, drawn to the amazing voice, the dimples, the cheekbones, and the intense baby blue eyes. Chris got a few girls, more for what he was than what he looked like, but a few girls were better than none at all. What shocked him was that JC turned most of the girls down. Now and then he’d take one or two back with him to the room, but it was hard to hide things from Lou. And Lou thought it was bad publicity for them to be seen with different girls. When Chris pointed out that it was worse publicity to be seen with different boys, Lou had actually smacked him across the face.

 

Chris started to hate Lou then, but it simmered under the surface until one day back in Florida when they were all supposed to meet at Lou’s house. JC’s car was already in the driveway, and Chris and Joey had driven together. Justin’s mother would be bringing Lance and Justin along shortly. They let themselves into Lou’s huge house, a place very familiar to them by now. They headed for the downstairs rec room, where they usually met. They heard Lou’s voice and froze in the hallway.

“You’ll tell them you want to talk to me about something, and that they should go on without you,” Lou said in deep voice.

“I don’t think so,” JC replied. Chris swore his voice was shaking.

“I do think so, Chasez. You’ll do whatever I tell you to do. Besides, is it that difficult? Old habits die hard, right?” Lou paused. “You’re so pretty, Chasez.”

Joey and Chris looked at each other, and simultaneously began to make excessive noise in the hallway. When they entered the rec room, JC was seated on the sofa, flipping through a magazine. Lou was behind the bar.

“Joseph! Chris! What can I get for you boys?” Lou asked cheerfully.

“Coke’s fine,” Joey said. He sat down on a chair. Chris sat by JC.

“Nothing,” Chris almost snapped. He looked at JC. “You okay?”

“Yeah, fine, why?” JC asked with fake cheerfulness. Chris glared at Lou, but said nothing more.


	2. Chapter 2

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Two

 

They all got along very well, and soon became as close as brothers, but Chris felt sometimes that JC was afraid of him. That night at Lou’s JC did indeed stay late, and no whining and begging on Chris and Joey’s part could get him to come with them. They couldn’t say what they had heard, but they could try to convince JC not to stay back alone. And until his dying day, Chris would regret leaving JC there, because he was pretty sure what had happened. He wondered sometimes if this was why JC kept his distance.

 

Lance came to Chris one day as Chris was lifting weights in his tiny gym. “Chris, how much money do we have?”

“Millions, white boy…millions,” Chris said cheerfully, hefting the barbell up.

“Then why don’t we see any of it?” Lance asked softly. Chris put the weight down and looked at him.

“What are you getting at, Lance?”

Lance said exactly what he was getting at. Chris looked at Lance in disbelief, then looked at the ledgers Lance had brought along. Apparently Lance was smarter than they all thought, and what he said was true. Lou and his company were taking them all for a very expensive ride, profiting off of their blood, sweat and tears.

Chris wanted to go to Lou immediately, to tear his fat head off if only for this robbery, not to mention what he had probably forced JC to do. But Lance held him back. “We need to talk to the others.”

 

“You’re crazy, Lance,” Justin said in disbelief. “Lou wouldn’t do that to us.”

“You’re living in a dream world, Justin, where all the grownups would never hurt you,” Chris snapped. “Look at the numbers. They speak for themselves.”

“That fucking prick,” Joey whispered, looking from the ledgers to Chris to JC.

“If we do this, we do it as a team,” Lance said, looking from one bandmate to another. “We need to be in agreement.”

“Let’s take the fucker down,” Chris growled.

“Agreed,” Joey said immediately.

“Agreed,” Lance added.

“Agreed,” JC said in a soft voice.

“Fine,” Justin sighed.

 

They broke away and hooked up with Johnny Wright, Jive and Zomba. They had more creative freedom and they only got bigger. The lawsuit had brought them even closer, and Chris thought he would sometimes go crazy if it wasn’t for Lance’s businesslike manner, Joey’s zany cheerfulness, Justin’s youthful excitement, and JC’s soothing peacefulness.

 

“We’re going to L.A. next week,” Lance announced as he walked into the rehearsal room. JC looked up sharply.

“Why?”

“We need to do some things…make some appearances,” Lance told him. “Charity stuff.”

“You don’t mind doing charity stuff, do ya, Jayce?” Joey teased. JC was probably the most philanthropic of the five of them.

“Of course not,” JC snapped. “It’s just…do we have to go?”

Chris stared at JC in shock. JC almost looked afraid. “We can go without you,” Chris said softly, and JC looked at him.

“No. I’ll go.”

 

“Can you think of any reason why JC would be afraid of me?” Chris asked Justin the next day as they shot baskets in Justin’s backyard.

“Maybe because you’re damn scary,” Justin said, letting the ball fly. “Look at that! Nothing but net, brother.”

“I’m serious.”

“No. Nothing I can think of. Why?”

“He just…ever since we broke from Lou…even before that…he totally keeps his distance. It’s like he’s afraid to even talk to me. He talks to me in interviews and stuff like that…but in private…nothing.”

“I never noticed,” Justin said, which didn’t surprise Chris. Justin rarely noticed anything that didn’t directly involve him. “But I’m sure if he had a problem with you, he’d say something.”

“Why is he so against going to L.A.?” Chris asked.

“That I don’t know. He’s never liked going to California, L.A. in particular,” Justin said. “Maybe he’s afraid the entire state’s gonna drop off into the ocean like all those freaks say.”

“Maybe,” Chris said, but he couldn’t get JC’s frightened face out of his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Three

 

“Okay. It’s official. When I’m officially a millionaire, I’m gonna build me a house just like this,” Lance said decidedly as they walked into the mansion of the head of the charity they were supporting.

“Is that before or after you build the house entirely decorated with Dr. Seuss stuff?” Joey teased.

“Shut up, Joey,” Lance snapped, straightening his tie. “Behave.”

“Hey, look, Jayce. Open bar.” Justin pointed with his pinky.

“You’re not old enough to drink,” JC said automatically.

“Lighten up, Jayce,” Justin said, clapping JC on the back and heading for the bar. JC sighed. “I’d better keep an eye on him.” JC followed Justin.

“You okay?” Joey said, looking at Chris. “You’ve been weird all day. Weird even for you.”

“I’m fine. Worried about JC, that’s all. Go have fun,” Chris said.

“I plan on it,” Joey said, eyeing up a small cluster of beautiful women by the buffet.

 

Chris found himself surrounded by dozens of famous people, something he would never really get used to. He was his usual goofy self, but underneath all of that, he was scared to death. He still felt like the little homeless boy sometimes, and he knew that he didn’t deserve everything he had gotten in life during the past few years.

“Chris,” Justin said, grinning. “Look at that girl over there. She’s been giving me the look all night. Think I should dive in?”

“Justin, you do realize she’s at least ten years older than you, right?”

“And?” Justin asked, finishing his drink. He straightened the lapels of his jacket. “Wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” Chris said with a laugh. Justin wandered off and Chris institutively looked for JC. He had been keeping an eye on JC all night, but he seemed to be having a good time. When the singer JC was talking to excused himself, Chris walked over.

“Hi, Chris. Isn’t this party amazing?” JC asked.

“Incredible,” Chris agreed, glad that JC was actually talking to him. “They should make a ton of money for the charity.”

“I wonder if they want us to perform or something,” JC said. “I keep wondering why we were invited here.”

“I don’t know. Lance said that the lady who’s in charge said her HUSBAND actually wanted us here,” Chris said with a shrug. “Guess he likes our music or something.”

“Or something,” JC repeated.

“Chris…JC…” A woman placed her hand on JC’s shoulder. Her name was Evelyn, and they were in her home. “This is my husband, Charles.”

JC looked up and seemed to turn pale right in front of Chris’ eyes. “Oh…hello.”

“Hello, JC. Chris. Glad to meet you.” Charles held out his hand and Chris took it.

“Nice to meet you, Sir. Lovely house you have here.”

“Thank you.” Charles looked at JC. “Are you enjoying yourself, JC?”

“Yes, sir,” JC said in a whisper.

“Come along, dear. There are tons of people for you to say hello to,” Evelyn said with a sigh.

“Nice to meet you, boys.” Charles smiled at them and wandered off with his wife.

“I need air.” JC made a mad dash for the balcony.

“C. C!” Chris hissed. “Jesus, man, are you okay?”

“I need to leave.” JC held onto the wall, grasping at his stomach. “I’m gonna be sick.”

“Fuck.” Chris went back into the party. “Joey, we need to leave.”

“Excuse me,” Joey said politely to the two girls he was talking to. “Um, no, Chris.”

“JC’s sick.”

“Then get him in a cab.” Joey turned back to the girls.

Chris looked around the room. Justin was deep in conversation with the woman he had mentioned earlier, and Lance was happily imbedded in a business discussion. Chris sighed and hurried back to JC. “C’mon, Jayce. I’ll get you back to the hotel.”

“Thank you,” JC said gratefully, leaning on Chris.

“Just don’t puke on me,” Chris said, helping JC from the room.


	4. Chapter 4

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Four

 

Chris flagged down a cab, hoping he had enough cash on him to cover the short ride back to the hotel. They had been driven over in a private car, but he didn’t feel like taking the time to find the driver.

JC slumped on the seat, leaning his forehead against the coolness of the window. “Should we go to the hospital?” Chris asked anxiously.

“No…back to the hotel is fine.”

Chris told the driver the name of their hotel and settled back on the seat. “Maybe it’s food poisoning. Some of that stuff in there DID look kinda gross.”

JC gave him a small smile. “It was gourmet food, Chris. It was supposed to look like that.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, give me a Big Mac and fries anytime,” Chris said, studying JC closely. “Are you SURE you don’t need a doctor or something?”

“I’m positive.” The cab stopped in front of the hotel and Chris paid the driver. “Actually,” JC said as they entered the hotel. “I could really use a drink.” He made a beeline for the hotel bar.

“JC, wait. You should go up and lie down,” Chris insisted.

JC turned and looked at Chris. The steel behind his blue eyes that always seemed to be around when he looked at Chris finally melted. “Thank you, Chris, for getting me outta there. For caring at all. You’re the last one I expected…” JC smiled sweetly and it tugged at Chris’ heart. “But I need to be alone right now, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow at brunch.” JC entered the bar. Chris sighed and went up to his room.

 

Chris was furious the next morning. As they piled into the car to drive to a small restaurant for a charity brunch, he realized that the other three hadn’t even noticed the absence of himself OR JC. He glared at Joey in the car. “So…have fun last night?”

“Yeah. There were so many hotties there. It took everything I had not to ask one of them back to my room,” Joey said, laughing.

“I took one back,” Justin offered. Lance stared at him.

“That old lady?”

“She wasn’t old…she was thirty-five,” Justin said defensively.

“Justin, that’s like a…a…whole middle-school kid older than you!” Lance exclaimed.

“Why don’t you ask how JC’s night was?” Chris asked, and everyone stopped talking. JC sighed and looked out the window.

“Oh, shit, that’s right. You were sick or something? You okay?” Joey asked.

“It’s a bit late now, Joe,” Chris snapped. “You coulda cared last night.”

“I didn’t even know you two left,” Justin said softly. “I’m sorry, JC. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I just felt a little ill, and Chris brought me back to the hotel. No worries.” JC left out the part about staying alone in the bar until three in the morning.

“You don’t look very good,” Lance observed.

“I didn’t sleep well,” JC said, and the tone of his voice ended the discussion.

 

Two days later, as they flew back to Florida, Chris sat in his seat and watched JC sleeping across the aisle. JC had the whole row to himself, since Justin and Joey were flirting with some women up in first class, and he had stretched out his long legs. Chris sighed as he looked at JC. JC seemed to have everything. He was intelligent, so very talented, and yet he was so sad. Yet again, Chris felt like the father figure.

 

Chris had hoped that the little incident with JC in California would bring them closer together. The opposite seemed to happen. They had a short break before they were supposed to get together to start writing for the next CD, and Chris had hoped that maybe JC would call him. He tried to call JC, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Justin called him to shoot hoops, Lance called to run business ideas by him. But no JC. It was if he had fallen off the face of the earth.

“Hey, Chris,” Joey said one morning.

“Hey.” Chris put the phone onto speaker as he cleaned up his living room. “What’s up?”

“Me and Jayce are gonna meet for lunch. You interested?”

“You and JC?” Chris asked, standing still in his living room.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing. Sure, I’d love to come. You gonna pick me up?”

“You bet. See you in an hour.” Joey hung up. Chris hung up, then stared at the phone. JC obviously had not fallen off the face of the earth.

 

“I hope you don’t mind that Joey invited me,” Chris said carefully as he climbed into the backseat.

“Of course not,” JC said automatically. Chris sighed, wishing he had stayed home and just eaten a ham and cheese sandwich.

They reached the restaurant and Joey parked out front. They got out, noticing the limo parked on a side street. “Wonder who’s here.”

“Probably one of those Backstreet Boys,” Chris said, trying to make JC smile. “They’re so pretentious.”

“Not all of them,” JC said immediately. “Brian and Howie are really nice.”

Chris sighed and decided not to talk for the rest of the meal.

“Thank you, Mr. Pearlman, for taking the time to give me an interview,” they heard a woman say as they were taken to their table. They all froze and turned around. Seated at a corner booth were Lou Pearlman and a woman they didn’t know. She looked up and smiled. “Excuse me, aren’t you members of NSYNC?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Chris said politely.

“My name is Lynda Luther, and I’m a writer for Us magazine. I was just doing a short piece on Mr. Pearlman.”

“How nice. Enjoy your lunch,” Joey said, turning away.

“Actually…we’re done,” the woman continued. “I wondered if there was still bad blood between you all because of what happened with the lawsuit.”

“Of COURSE not,” Lou answered as Chris was getting ready to say what a stupid question that was. Lou hefted himself out of the booth and came to put an arm around JC. “I love these boys like my own sons, no matter what. I’m so proud of what they’ve accomplished, especially after what they did before they became famous singers.” He gave JC’s shoulders a squeeze, and Chris swore that JC turned green. “Though some of them seem to have kept all the positive attributes that they had when I found them…isn’t that right, JC?”

“If you say so,” JC whispered. He seemed to visibly shrink before Chris’ eyes.

“We’re hungry.” Chris grabbed JC from Lou’s grasp. “If you want an interview, contact our management,” he snapped at the reporter. He tugged JC to their table. “JC, are you okay?”

“Fine,” JC gasped, drinking his water. Chris and Joey looked at each other. “I need…the bathroom.” JC got up and ran to the restroom.

“What is it about that fat fuck that freaks JC out like that?” Joey asked, glaring at Lou.

“I don’t know…but I wish he’d tell us,” Chris sighed.

“We could ask Lou.”

“No. Whatever it is…JC has to tell us,” Chris said. The waiter came, but they said they wanted to wait until their friend came back to order.

But JC didn’t come back.


	5. Chapter 5

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Five

 

Joey frantically called JC’s cell as they hurried out of the restaurant. They had waited over twenty minutes before going into the men’s room. Of course, JC was nowhere to be seen.

“Am I even dialing the right number?” Joey griped as they walked to his car. He had just recently gotten his own cellphone, and he was still unsure about programming numbers into it. “I keep getting this funky message.”

“He probably has his phone turned off, Joey,” Chris sighed. He took the phone. “Drive. I’ll call Justin and Lance and tell them to come over to my house.”

 

“Okay…so where’s the fire?” Justin snapped as soon as he breezed through the door. “JC’s gone or something?”

“We went to lunch and JC went to the bathroom. He never came back,” Chris said.

“You said all that on the phone,” Lance replied.

“What he didn’t tell you is that we ran into Lou,” Joey said softly. Justin sat down hard.

“Lou?”

“Yeah. And it was after that when JC kinda freaked and took off for the bathroom.” Joey looked at Chris. “Should we tell them?”

“Tell them what?” Lance asked, looking at Chris.

“Yeah. Go ahead,” Chris answered, toying with a figurine on a shelf.

Joey took a deep breath. “Back before the lawsuit…one day we were all meeting at Lou’s for something. Me and Chris got there together, and we overheard Lou talking to JC. Basically he was telling JC to make up an excuse to stay after we all left. He wanted to be ALONE with JC.”

“He said that JC would do whatever he told him to,” Chris whispered. That conversation had been burned onto his brain. “He told JC that old habits die hard…and he called JC pretty.”

“Oh, my God,” Lance whispered. “So, you think Lou…”

“And probably more than once,” Justin observed. “Lou said old habits die hard.” He thought for a moment. “Do you think JC fucked his way into the group?”

Chris had Justin by the throat before anyone knew what was going on. “Do not even fucking say that, okay? JC’s not like that! And since I’M the one that got this group together, he would have been fucking ME, and I assure you that didn’t happen.” Chris shook Justin. “Say something else, Timberlake. Give me an excuse.”

“Chris, man…back off…” Joey pulled at Chris until he released Justin. Justin choked and gasped for breath.

“JC’s not like that,” Chris said again, walking over to a window.

“You really love him, don’t you?” Lance asked softly. Justin and Joey stared at him, then looked at Chris. Chris slowly turned around.

“Yeah. I do. I have for years and just recently began to notice it. I’m scared. I’m worried about him. What if he doesn’t come back?”

 

And JC didn’t come back. Two weeks went by and they hadn’t heard from him. Joey wanted to call JC’s parents and ask them, but Chris talked them out of it. If JC hadn’t contacted them, and they didn’t know he was missing, Chris didn’t want to worry them. And he had a feeling that if JC had told anyone where he was going, it was his mother. He told her a lot of things he didn’t tell anyone else. And while he was still worried, Chris took the fact that JC’s mother hadn’t called to look for him as a sign that he was still alive, just hiding away somewhere.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Justin snapped one day as they met at Lance’s house to try and write. “He’s one of the main writers in our group, and he’s not even here. I thought JC was all about the music.”

“JC IS all about the music,” Chris growled. “Justin, can’t you step off your “Justin Timberlake is the Most Important Person in the World” pedestal for five minutes? Don’t you see that for JC to miss writing time it would have to be something really serious?” Chris clenched his fists, but did not touch Justin. “Why don’t you just go fuck a groupie or something?”

“Better than fucking a bandmate,” Justin said sweetly. Chris lunged as Lance’s cellphone went off.

“Hello?” Lance answered as Joey struggled to keep Justin and Chris apart. “Okay…okay…just hold on, okay?” Lance waved the phone in the air. “Chris. CHRIS. It’s JC.”

Chris released Justin and slowly turned around. He took the phone that Lance was holding. “Hello?”

“Chris?”

“Hey, Jayce,” Chris said softly.

“I know you don’t have a cellphone yet so I called Lance.”

“That’s fine.” Chris bit his lip.

“I…can you come get me? I’m at the train station.”

“Where?”

“Here. In Orlando.”

“I’ll be right there. Just wait out front, okay, JC? I’m coming for you.” Chris hung up and handed Lance the phone. He left the house without another word.


	6. Chapter 6

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Six

 

Chris forced himself to stay under the speed limit as he drove downtown to the train station. He needed to calm down. The last thing he needed was to scare JC away. And he absolutely could NOT let on about his feelings. JC didn’t need to know that.

As he stopped at a red light, Chris wiped at the sweat on his forehead. He had no clue when he had started being interested in JC as more than just a buddy. He had always known that he was bisexual, so having feelings for another man was not a problem for Chris. What WAS the problem was that these feelings were for a man who seemed to be deathly afraid of him, and who showed no signs of being interested in men at all. True, JC got flaming at times, but for all Chris knew, it was just part of JC’s artistic personality shining through.

He crept through the traffic in front of the train station. He recognized JC immediately, though he knew JC was trying to stay unnoticed. He had on faded blue jeans, a denim jacket, and a battered Washington Redskins cap. He slowly pulled up to the curb and tapped the horn slightly. JC looked up, then stood up. He picked up his ratty old backpack and walked over to Chris’ car. “Hey.”

“Hey, JC.”

“Thanks for coming for me,” JC said shyly.

“No sweat, man. I was about ready to beat the shit out of Justin, anyway,” Chris said, carefully merging into traffic.

“Really? About what?”

“Never mind,” Chris said. He didn’t need to go THERE. “Where are we going? Your house?”

“No,” JC said, playing with the door lock. “Anywhere but there.”

“Okay.” Chris looked at JC out of the corner of his eye. “You hungry?”

“I could probably eat,” JC admitted.

“Okay then. We’ll go get lunch.” Chris looked at JC again and grinned. “Though I’m thinking it will have to be someplace cheap, based on your outfit.”

JC finally smiled a bit. “I know. But it’s comfortable.”

“That’s all that matters,” Chris said.

He drove to a diner outside Orlando that didn’t get too busy, but had excellent food. They sat down at the dirty table, and JC idly scraped at some dried syrup on the table’s surface as they waited for a waitress.

“What can I get for you, boys?” The waitress cracked her gum impatiently.

“I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries and a chocolate milkshake,” Chris said. JC looked at him, then looked at the waitress.

“Me, too.”

“Okay.” She grabbed the menus and walked away. Chris smiled at JC.

“This place is great.”

“Yeah.” JC looked around.

“So…you were riding the rails?” Chris asked cheerfully. He told himself that he would NOT ask JC where he had been, but he had to say SOMETHING.

“Yeah. Trains are so relaxing, you know? The sway of the cars, the scenery flying by,” JC sighed. “Even better than the bus.”

Chris, who thought bus travel was about the worst thing in the world, didn’t reply to that. “I never thought of trains that way,” he said.

“It takes longer than flying, but I think it’s nice. And cheaper.”

“And that, of course, is the MAIN reason for taking the train,” Chris said with a smile. JC nodded and smiled back.

The waitress brought their milkshakes. JC scooped off the whipped cream and plopped it onto Chris’ milkshake. “Not in the mood for that today.”

“C’mon…you can have a lot of fun with whipped cream.” The words slipped out before he realized it, and Chris turned beet red. JC actually laughed out loud.

“I bet you could, Chris.” He studied Chris thoughtfully. “I went to California.”

“Hmm?” Chris tried to sound absentminded.

“You’re wondering where I was, right?”

“I was worried about you…but I figured if your mom wasn’t calling us and freaking, she was obviously in contact with you.”

“She knew where I was,” JC admitted. “I couldn’t just disappear on her like that.”

“But you could disappear on us?” Chris asked.

“Sorry. I didn’t think you’d notice.”

“Um, hello, were we NOT supposed to meet to start writing this week?” Chris asked.

“Oh, yeah,” JC said blushing slightly. “Is that what Justin was being a brat about?”

“Partially,” Chris said.

“So…I was in California. There were some demons that I needed to confront,” JC said. He stopped talking as the food came. “Chris, I want to tell you everything, but I don’t want to do it here. Let’s just relax and eat, and then we can go back to your place, okay?”

“Sure thing, JC, whatever you want.” Chris forced himself to take a bite of the cheeseburger, though all he wanted to do was grab JC, hop in the car, and hurry back home.

 

JC was silent in the car on the ride back to Chris’ house. Chris considered trying to make small talk, but he soon gave up on the idea. If JC didn’t want to talk, Chris wasn’t going to make him. They pulled into the driveway and got out of the car.

“You know, if you wanted to shower and change, I think you left a pair of jeans and a tshirt here one time,” Chris said as he unlocked the front door.

“A shower sounds good.” JC headed upstairs for Chris’ bathroom. Chris dug through closets and drawers until he found the outfit, and he knocked on the bathroom door. “C’mon in!” JC yelled over the shower.

“Um, here’s your clothes,” Chris said, setting them on the vanity. He tried his best not to look at the cloudy figure behind the shower curtain, but he couldn’t help it. JC was naked and wet behind that curtain.

“Thanks, Chris,” JC said.

Chris went downstairs and stared at the television for a while, not really watching. JC finally came downstairs, damp and clean from his shower. He curled up on the sofa, sitting on the opposite end from Chris. “I want you to know that I never meant to lie to you guys, or keep anything from you.”

“JC, you’re allowed to have your secrets,” Chris told him.

“I don’t have secrets. I have a past. There’s a big difference.” JC ran a hand through his short hair.

“Would you like a drink?” Chris said suddenly. JC nodded.

“Yes. PLEASE.” Chris got up and went into the kitchen. He came back with two glasses of whiskey. He handed one to JC, and kept the other for himself. JC took a gulp and choked. “Thank you,” he rasped, and Chris had to smile. JC took another gulp, handling this one a bit better.

“JC, I need to ask you something. Did Lou ever…force you…into doing…something with him?” Chris asked. He hated to ask, but he needed to know. “Me and Joey…we heard him once…telling you to stay back because he wanted to be alone with you.”

“Lou never really forced me to do anything,” JC said, swirling the liquid around in his glass. “I mean, I didn’t want to do it, but…” JC sighed. “Let me try and explain. Just don’t interrupt, okay?”

“Okay,” Chris promised.

“After the Mickey Mouse Club, I went out to L.A. I thought I could make it big there, since I was on a television show. Boy, was I wrong,” JC said, shaking his head. “I was just like everyone else out there. I got an agent, did some auditions, but I didn’t get anywhere. So, one night, I’m incredibly down, and my agent calls. He says that a friend of his is having a party, and that they’re short a few guys. Would I mind coming to the party, just to stand there and look good? I said no at first, then he told me I’d get paid for it. Well, since tuna fish and macaroni were the only things in my cupboards, I gave in.” JC finished his drink. “I got to the party, and realized there were no women there. The host wanted escorts, all right, but not for women. It was a gay party…and me and a few other guys were pretty much there to be eye candy.” JC looked at Chris’ glass, and Chris silently handed it to him. “So…a few days later I get this phone call from some guy. He saw me at the party, and wanted me to come to a party at HIS house…once again, he said I’d get paid. And then he went into detail about all the other ways I could make money once I was at the party.” JC looked at Chris. “My career was going nowhere. I couldn’t pay the rent. So I went to the party. And I did all the other things that could earn me extra cash. And that wasn’t the last time I did those things, either.”

“Jesus,” Chris whispered.

JC downed Chris’ drink in one gulp. “So…I made some money, and still tried to get to auditions. But unfortunately when you’re out until three or four in the morning at a party or out on a so-called date, you aren’t really at your best for a nine o’clock audition. So I saved enough money to fly back to Florida, and that’s when you met me and we started getting the group together.”

“Tell me about Lou, JC,” Chris whispered.

“He was at one of the parties in L.A. He knew what I was. So when I became part of the group, he propositioned me. He threatened to tell you all what I had been if I didn’t do what he asked…so I did it.”

“Old habits die hard,” Chris murmured. JC looked at him sharply. “Oh, never mind. JC, you could have told us. Why would we care? I mean, you’re our friend. Our brother. We…love you.” Chris stammered over the words.

“Chris, all you used to say was how this group was gonna show everyone who used to make fun of you. You said it was gonna prove to them that you weren’t the nothing that they always used to treat you as. The group meant more to you than anything else…and my past could only jeopardize that.”

“That’s why you’ve been afraid of me?” Chris whispered.

“I’ve never been afraid of you,” JC said. “But I was afraid of disappointing you…of ruining your dream. So I kept my distance.”

“Oh, JC,” Chris sighed. He moved over to sit closer to JC.

“That guy at the party in L.A…he was one of the guys I hooked up with once or twice. It totally freaked me out seeing him like that. I was hoping he wouldn’t remember me.” JC ran a hand through his hair again. “I kept trying and trying to bury that part of my life, and then we run into that guy, and then Lou. I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“JC, do not apologize. You’re only human, okay?” Chris pulled JC into a hug.

“Chris…I hated it…it was awful…these old men, touching me, making me do things just so I could buy some dinner…” JC began to cry against Chris’ shoulder.

“It won’t happen again, JC. And if anyone finds out, to hell with them. We’re here for you. I’m here for you.” Chris continued to hold JC as he cried.


	7. Chapter 7

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Seven

 

The phone rang and Chris looked down at JC. “I should get that.”

“Okay,” JC sniffled, pulling back. Chris reached over to the coffee table.

“Hello?”

“It’s Justin.”

“What do you want?” Chris snapped.

“I wanted to apologize. I was way outta line. And I was worried about Jayce. Is he okay?”

“I think he’ll be fine, yes,” Chris said. JC smiled weakly and wiped at his nose. “He’s physically fine, anyway.”

“Where was he?”

“I think that’s something that JC needs to tell you, Justin. When he’s ready,” Chris said. “And I’m thinking he’s not exactly in the songwriting place right now.”

“That’s fine. Whenever he’s ready,” Justin said. “Can I talk to him?”

Chris put the phone down. “Justin wants to talk to you.”

“Okay.” JC drew a ragged breath and held out his hand. Chris gave JC the phone, then stood. He left the room to give JC privacy.

When he returned from the bathroom, JC was off the phone and stretched out on the sofa. “He wasn’t a prick, was he?” Chris asked.

JC shook his head. “Apparently he’s been acting like one?”

“Kinda. More on a personal level with me, though,” Chris said.

“I thought we could all have dinner here tomorrow. Would that be okay? I want to tell them…but I want you to be there.”

“Of course, JC,” Chris replied. “Would you like to stay here tonight?”

“Could I?” JC whispered, and Chris nodded.

“For as long as you like. Want me to drive you back to your place for a change of clothes?”

“Yeah. That’d be great. And I need to check my mail and stuff,” JC said. He stood up. “Chris…you’ve been there for me so much lately. I mean…I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you.”

“JC, don’t say that.” Memories of compliments given to JC and quickly shot down flashed into Chris’ brain. “You’ve never thought you were good enough. You always blushed and shook your head when someone said something nice about you.” Chris put a hand on JC’s shoulder. “Jayce, you’re sexy and nice and talented and just amazing. Nothing you’ve done in the past has anything to do with all that, okay?”

“Thank you,” JC said, blushing. Then he smiled. “I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am. Let’s get over to your place.” Chris led the way out the door, trying to fight the urge to pull JC into his arms and never let him go.

 

“This place is a mess,” JC sighed as he opened his front door. Chris looked around the immaculate house.

“Um, okay, Jayce, if you say so,” Chris said, rolling his eyes. JC grinned.

“I know there’s weeks’ worth of dust on the furniture, and I know the place hasn’t been vacuumed,” he pointed out. “I’ll just be a few minutes.” JC grabbed the pile of mail that had accumulated on the floor of the foyer and ran up the steps. Chris went out back to JC’s deck and looked down at the small swimming pool. He idly wondered if he would break his neck jumping from this short height. Chris sighed, beginning to regret his offer to JC. He was spooked by the way his feelings rushed to the surface every time JC smiled at him. He wanted to protect JC, keep him safe and warm and happy. But he was pretty sure JC was NOT interested in him that way.

“You’re an idiot, Kirkpatrick,” Chris mumbled to himself.

“Ready?” JC said, bouncing out onto the deck twenty minutes later. “Sorry I took so long. I got a lot of junk mail I had to weed through. And bills, of course.”

“Like you need to worry about paying bills,” Chris teased. JC sighed.

“I know. But I still worry. Like maybe I’ll come home and the power or water will be turned off because I didn’t get the bills paid.” JC led the way back through the house.

“Wait a minute.” Chris stopped short. “You mean you actually pay your bills?”

“Um, who else is gonna pay them?” JC asked, confused.

“No…I mean, you actually sign the checks, lick the envelopes, everything?”

“Yeah,” JC said slowly.

“Oh.” Chris blushed. He had his assistant take care of that. Lance had his freaking ACCOUNTANT send out all of his payments. Chris and Justin had part-time assistants. Lance had an accountant.

“It’s one of the few things I’m still able to do for myself,” JC said shyly. “And I like the feeling of knowing I have the power to write all those checks and still have money in the bank.”

“THAT I understand,” Chris said.

They went out to Chris car and climbed in. JC fastened his seat belt. “Chris, I really appreciate you letting me stay with you. I mean, I hate the thought of being alone. I could stay with one of the other guys…I know they’d take me in…but it’s not the same.” JC gave Chris a smile that filtered up into his blue eyes. “You know everything about me and still like me…I’m not sure they’d accept it as easily as you have.”

“JC, I don’t just like you, I love you.” Chris tried not to let his heart jump into his voice. “The others do, too.”

“And here I thought you’d be the worst about all this,” JC whispered, looking out the window.

 

“So, here’s the bathroom, here are your towels, and this is the toilet. You pee in it,” Chris said seriously to JC. “I don’t wanna see any little puddles on the floor, understand?”

“I’m not a dog, Chris,” JC said, laughing.

“A dog. I should get a dog,” Chris said thoughtfully. “A little pug dog. What do you think?”

“I think you’d be a great Dog Daddy,” JC said loyally. He yawned. “I’m gonna hit the hay, I think. It’s been a rough day.”

“Okay…I’ll see you in the morning, then.” Chris started to leave the room.

“Chris, wait.” JC walked over to Chris. “Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.” JC put his arms around Chris and Chris could only hug him back. “Thank you for being here for me…it’s been a long time since I’ve felt like I could open up and depend on someone.”

“Well, I’m thinking you’re probably insane for picking me to be that person,” Chris said lightly. “We both know I’m hopeless.”

“No. You’re not.” JC kissed Chris’ nose and he pulled back. JC turned a deep red. “I…uh…yes. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Right.” Chris went into the hallway and closed the door behind him. He slid down the wall until his backside hit the door. He lightly touched his nose, then let his head lightly thud back against the wall.


	8. Chapter 8

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Eight

 

Chris did not sleep well that night. He kept dreaming about JC, and the dreams were definitely NOT rated G. He got up, pulled on a pair of boxers, and went downstairs. He started coffee for himself, and dug out an old teapot and some teabags for when JC woke up.

“I can’t believe it’s eight o’clock in the fucking morning and I’m awake!” Chris griped to himself. “It’s all JC’s fault…fucking JC and his stupid nose kisses.” Chris absently rubbed his nose. He sighed and went into the living room to watch TV.

 

JC wandered down around eleven. Yawning and stretching, he went into the kitchen and found everything ready for his tea. He smiled as he got it together, then went looking for Chris. He followed the sounds of the television to the living room.

JC smiled as he looked at Chris. Chris was fast asleep on the sofa, the Cartoon Network blaring from the TV. JC carefully set his tea down, then knelt by the sofa. “Chris,” he whispered. Chris smacked his lips together but didn’t waken. “Chris,” JC repeated, cupping Chris’ face in his hand.

“Jayce,” Chris mumbled, smiling in his sleep. He rubbed his cheek against JC’s hand. JC stared down at him, amazed by the look of contentment on Chris’ face. He bit his bottom lip, then bent his head down. His lips met Chris’, and he felt Chris sigh.

Chris’ eyes fluttered open as he felt JC’s lips on his. He couldn’t believe it. JC was kissing him. “Jayce,” he whispered.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty.” JC pulled away with a smile. “Why are you sleeping down here?”

“I WAS awake, but then I fell asleep here.” Chris sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Wow. It’s eleven?”

“Yeah. I slept so good. The best night’s sleep I’ve had in ages. Probably because I was here.”

Chris stood. “I’m glad one of us slept well,” he muttered. He started for the kitchen, then stopped in his tracks. “JC, did you kiss me, or was I dreaming?”

“I kissed you. Was that a problem?”

“I…uh…no…I’m bi, you know, so it’s not a big deal.” Chris tried to shrug off the butterflies in his stomach.

“No, I didn’t know that. But I was watching you sleep, and I just wanted to kiss you.”

“Oh.” Chris scratched his head. “Do you just go around kissing everyone?”

JC laughed. “Definitely not. I may have screwed around a lot in my past, but I save my kisses for the people that matter.”

“Oh.” Chris felt himself begin to blush. “Let’s go out for pizza. I’m starving.”

 

Chris felt uncomfortable for the rest of the day. They put on baseball caps and sunglasses, but they were still recognized by a few people. They ate their pizza, then JC wanted to shop. “I hate shopping,” Chris grumbled, but he went along anyway.

They started back home, and Chris realized that although JC had invited the others for dinner, they had nothing to cook. “We’ll just order in Chinese,” JC said when Chris brought up this point. “The Golden Wok delivers here, right?”

“Yeah,” Chris said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“You okay, Chris?”

“Fine,” Chris said immediately. “I’m just, uh, worried. About the guys. I don’t want them treating you bad.”

“They won’t…I don’t THINK,” JC said uncertainly. “I’m kinda scared. But you’ll be there.”

Chris stopped at a stop sign and turned to look at him. “JC…you know that I will be there for you, no matter what happens. You know that, right? I always have been…I really care about you.” Chris shut his mouth, amazed at what had spilled out. That was NOT what he had planned on saying.

“I know…and I’m sorry I was distant for so long. I was just afraid you’d hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Jayce. Trust me,” Chris promised, pulling out into the intersection.


	9. Chapter 9

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Nine

 

Justin was the first to arrive at Chris’ house. He made a beeline for JC. “Jayce.” He gave JC a huge hug. “Man, we were really worried about you. Don’t go running off like that, okay?”

“I didn’t think anyone would notice,” JC whispered. Justin pulled back to stare at him.

“Dude, you’re insane sometimes,” Justin said, shaking his head. “We can’t be NSYNC without you. Without you, we’d be…”

“In Syn,” Chris finished from his chair in the living room.

“Well, some of us are in sin already,” Justin said with a grin. He looked at Chris. “Chris, man, I’m sorry for being a dick.”

“It’s okay, I’m used to it by now,” Chris said in a bored tone. But he smiled, and JC smiled at the way Justin laughed.

Joey and Lance arrived together, and they passed around the menu from the Chinese restaurant. Chris wrote down the order and called it in, then he poured drinks for everyone. He handed JC a beer, and JC smiled up at him. “Is there a reason you’re trying to get me drunk?”

“To take advantage of you,” Chris replied quickly, and Lance choked on his iced tea. JC smiled at him.

“Oh, honey, haven’t you learned yet that I’m a sure thing?” JC asked innocently, batting his eyelashes. Chris almost tripped over his own feet getting to the sofa. JC got up from his seat on the floor to sit next to Chris on the sofa. Lance noticed how JC curled his long body up next to Chris and raised his eyebrows. Chris noticed the expression and blushed, swirling around the soda in his glass.

“Wanna watch a movie or something?” Joey suggested. “I have some tapes in my car that I haven’t returned to Blockbuster yet.”

“No, thanks, Joey,” JC said softly. “Actually, the reason I wanted everyone to come over was because I need to tell you guys something.” He looked at his hands, and Chris noticed they were shaking. Chris reached over and lightly touched JC’s arm.

“It’s okay, Jayce,” he said softly. JC smiled at him and moved even closer.

“Okay.” JC drew a ragged breath. “Remember how I was in California for a while before we started NSYNC?” Joey, Justin and Lance nodded as one. “Well…remember how I freaked when we went to LA?” They nodded again. “Okay…the guy whose house the party was at…I knew him. I…fuck, this is hard,” JC said with a weak laugh. He ran a hand through his hair. Chris put an arm around the back of the sofa, trying to will JC some courage. JC took the opportunity to snuggle close in the crook of Chris’ arm. “When I was in California, jobs were hard to come by. Apparently I wasn’t as good as I thought I was. So…I started this other job…basically as a pretty boy at parties.”

“Huh?” Justin looked thoroughly confused.

“They paid JC to stand around and look good. Am I right, JC?” Lance asked. JC nodded.

“But they weren’t your ordinary parties. They were all male parties. All bisexual and gay men. And I soon found out that the more you did for these men besides just looking pretty, the more money you could make.”

Joey’s mouth fell open. “My God, JC.”

“I know…it’s not something I’m proud of. I know there were other ways to pay the rent and get dinner on the table, but it was easy…” JC smiled. “And I guess that makes me easy, too.”

“JC, don’t,” Chris whispered. “Don’t put yourself down like that.”

“So, the guy who hosted the party, I had been with him a few times,” JC said. “And seeing him totally freaked me out, since I was trying so hard to run from that life.”

“Tell them about Lou,” Chris said softly. “Joey heard it too, remember?”

JC looked at Joey. “Lou was at one of the parties. He knew about what I had been doing, and held it over my head so I would…well…” JC blushed and looked down.

“Jesus Christ, JC, you’ve been lying to us all this time?” Justin yelled. JC looked up.

“Not lying, Justin. You never asked.”

“Oh, sorry if “were you ever a hooker” wasn’t on the NSYNC application?” Justin said angrily.

“Justin, I think you need to calm the hell down,” Chris said.

“No, I don’t. We’re your friends, JC. Your brothers. You should have told us!”

“Funny, Justin, but I thought you might overreact and get angry,” JC snapped.

“You know why I’m angry?” Justin jumped to his feet. “NOT because you did what you did. But because you couldn’t trust us enough to tell us. Don’t you know we would have hung around you like lint from a dryer to keep Lou’s slimy hands off your body? Don’t you know we would have stood up for you no matter what?” Justin grabbed his car keys. “I’m outta here.”


	10. Chapter 10

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Ten

 

“Do you want us to leave, too?” Lance asked softly as Justin stormed out of the house.

“No,” Chris said, getting up to run after Justin.

“No, Chris.” JC put a hand on Chris’ arm. “Don’t. Let him go. He needs some time.”

“How can you be so nice about this, JC?” Chris demanded.

“Because I SHOULD have told you guys. In that part, Justin was absolutely right. I didn’t trust you.”

“You could have,” Joey said gently, and it was obvious that he was a bit hurt.

“I know. I’m sorry.” JC looked up as someone knocked at the door. “Guess that’s dinner.”

“I got it.” Chris went to the door and paid the delivery boy. He brought the food into the living room and placed it on the floor. “Can I get you guys something to drink?”

“I’ll take a refill,” Joey said. Lance nodded.

“I’ll come help you,” JC said, following Chris into the kitchen. He leaned on the counter as Chris went into the refrigerator. “Chris, thanks again.”

“For what?”

“Sticking up for me. Supporting me. The things you’ve been doing all these years but I just now learned to appreciate,” JC said softly. Chris slowly got up and turned around. “Chris, thank you,” JC whispered. He took the two-liter bottle of Pepsi from Chris’ hand and sat it on the counter. He took Chris’ hands and placed them on his waist. “Is this okay?” JC asked. Chris nodded wordlessly. JC put his own hands on Chris’ shoulders. “Something’s happening between us, isn’t it?” JC whispered, and Chris nodded again. “Do you mind?” Chris shook his head and JC smiled slightly. “I’m used goods,” JC reminded Chris. Chris frowned.

“No, you’re not. And do you think I care. Really, JC, how many virgins over the age of twenty do you think there ARE in the world?” Chris said. “I mean, no matter what, I would get ‘used goods.’ But you see that in such a negative light. JC, you’re amazing.” Chris closed his mouth, amazed at what had come out of it. JC smiled and leaned forward. Chris wrapped his arms around JC’s waist, ready for the kiss that soon came. JC sighed and pressed himself against Chris. “Wow…I’ve kinda wanted that for a WHILE,” Chris murmured. JC looked at him.

“Really?” Chris nodded and blushed. “Wow,” JC said, echoing Chris.

“I’m thirsty, dammit!” Joey yelled from the living room. Chris and JC pulled apart. Chris picked up the bottle of soda once more.

“Do you want me to stay over tonight?” JC asked softly. Chris did a double-take.

“We’re not having sex,” Chris said firmly, and JC looked hurt. “JC, you do NOT have to use sex to keep me around, okay? I want us to get to know each other in this new way.”

“Oh,” JC said.

“But not that I don’t want to,” Chris was quick to add, remembering his dreams. JC turned pink with pleasure. “But we’re not going there,” Chris said, hurriedly leaving the kitchen.


	11. Chapter 11

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Eleven

 

Lance and Joey stayed until about nine o’clock, then they finally went home. JC looked at Chris for a long moment. “I’m sorry to draw you into this big drama.”

Chris stared at him. “JC, don’t say that. Like you knew Justin would go freakazoid.”

“I knew something like this would happen. That’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone.”

“But I’m glad you did, Jayce.” Chris put an arm around JC as they looked out the front door. “This ride we’re on…with the group…it’s only gonna get bigger and rowdier and crazier. We need each other more than ever. Who else can keep us grounded but…us?”

JC smiled. “You’re right.”

“And it’s important that YOU be the one to tell us about this. What if Lou decides to open his big mouth to make us look bad? What if someone trying to earn some extra bucks decides to blackmail you or something? This way it’s out in the open, and we can say immediately that we already know all about it and could care less.”

“Except Justin,” JC said sadly.

“Justin’s a brat,” Chris said firmly. “He needs to grow up.”

“Right,” JC said, smiling.

They sat down on the sofa and turned on the TV. Chris got engrossed in a basketball game on ESPN, and JC soon nodded off, his head on Chris’ lap. Chris wove his fingers through JC’s dark hair and sighed. This was what he had wanted for ages, and he had never let himself admit it. Now he had what he wanted, and it filled his heart with this amazing sense of joy. It was awesome doing what he loved, awesome making the money he was making, awesome to shove it all in the faces of the people who had insulted him in his youth. But the feeling JC gave him…it put the rest of the good feelings to shame.

The phone rang and Chris jumped. He carefully reached over to answer it, trying his best not to waken JC. “Yep.”

“It’s Joey. Let me talk to JC.”

“He’s sleeping, Joe,” Chris murmured quietly.

“I NEED to talk to him.”

“Joey…”

“For fuck’s sake, Chris!”

“Fine,” Chris grumbled. He lightly shook JC. “Jayce…phone.”

“Not here,” JC mumbled, snuggling down.

“JC, c’mon, man.” Chris shook JC hard.

“God.” JC sat up rubbing his eyes. “What?” He snapped into the phone. He listened for a moment, suddenly wide awake. “That’s what he said? No…don’t tell him that.” JC thought for a moment. “Tell him we’re coming over. Tell him we’re ALL gonna go along with it, and that it’s better if we go as a group, okay? Kiss up to him. And call Lance. Yeah…I’ll get Chris to drive me over. Okay, Joe. Bye.” JC hung up. “We need to go over to Justin’s.”

“Justin’s?” Chris repeated.

“Yeah.” JC dug around on the floor for his shoes. “Apparently he’s been drinking since he left. Joey stopped by to check on him and he’s completely shitfaced.” JC looked up at Chris. “And when Joey got there, Justin was on his way out the door. He was on his way to Lou’s.”

“Lou’s!” Chris exclaimed, shocked.

“Yeah. He said something to Joey about “kicking that slimy fucker’s fat ass,” or something to that extent,” JC said. “I have a feeling I’m the only one who’ll be able to talk some sense into him.”

“I think you’re right,” Chris sighed, remembering all the times JC had dealt with Justin in the past. “Let’s go.”

 

“Jayce!” Justin said happily.

“I see he hasn’t sobered up at all,” JC said, letting Justin hug him.

“I’ve been trying to get him to drink some coffee,” Lance said with a sigh. “I don’t think it would hurt him.”

“Jayce, I’m so so so so so so sorry!” Justin said, placing a wet kiss on JC’s cheek. “I never shoulda got all mad at you. It’s not your fault. You did what you had to do. And now I have to go kick Lou’s ass!”

“Justin, sit down for a second, okay,” JC said gently. “We need to make a plan.”

“I can’t believe he touched you, Jayce!” Justin said, frowning. He looked at JC. “But I bet he did more than touch you, didn’t he?”

“If you’re asking did he have sex with me, no, he didn’t. He wanted me to blow him,” JC said bluntly.

“God…I bet his dick is totally disgusting!” Justin said. Chris chuckled. He couldn’t help it. Lance glared at him.

“Sorry,” Chris whispered.

“Yeah, Justin, it was. Tiny, too,” JC told him. He sat back, putting his arm around Justin’s shoulders. He pulled Justin’s head onto his shoulder and stroked the soft curls. “I appreciate this, Justin. I should have told you guys a long time ago. I should have known you’d stick up for me this way.”

“You bet we would,” Justin promised, yawning. “I wanna go get him.”

“You sound tired,” JC said in a soothing tone. “Maybe we could get him later.”

“No…” Justin blinked hard, trying to stay awake. “I wanna get him now.”

“I’m safe now, Justin. He’s not gonna touch me or you or any one of us,” JC said softly. The others watched as Justin struggled against the alcohol and weariness.

“Right…safe…I love you, Jayce.”

“Love you, too, J.” JC stroked Justin’s head until he finally nodded off. JC waited a few minutes, then slid out from under Justin. They stretched Justin out on the sofa, removed his sneakers, and tossed an afghan over him. “I think he’ll be okay now.”

“You should be a therapist,” Joey observed. JC blushed.

“Nah…I’m not all that smart. I just know what makes Justin tick. When he gets on a rampage, you just have to pretend to go along with him until you can talk him out of it. The alcohol helped with that.”

“Do you think one of us should stay here?” Lance asked, though it was obvious he didn’t want to be the one chosen to stay.

“I’ll stay,” Joey said. “I live closest, anyway.”

“Okay. Call if you need anything,” JC said. Joey hugged him.

“We love you, JC. Never forget that.”

“I won’t. I should have realized it a long time ago,” JC said, but he was looking at Chris as he said it.


	12. Chapter 12

OLD HABITS DIE HARD  
Twelve

"Ya know, if you just want me to go home…I will," JC said to Chris. "No. I want you to stay with me, if you still want to," Chris replied, feeling suddenly shy as they climbed back into his car.

"I do still want to," JC replied, and Chris smiled at him.

They didn't speak much on the way back to Chris' house. JC was deep in thought about Justin, and Chris was thinking about the fact that JC would want to sleep with him. In his bed. Together. All night long.

"Okay, so, uh, I think I'm just ready to hit the hay," Chris said. "You can stay up if you want…watch TV or whatever."

"Nah…I'll crash with you." JC followed Chris up the steps.

"You know where all my clothes are…if you wanna grab something more comfy to sleep in," Chris said over his shoulder as he headed for the bathroom.

"Okay, thanks. I'll wash up and everything in the spare bathroom."

JC dug through Chris' drawers until he found a pair of Pittsburgh Pirates shorts and a black wifebeater.

When Chris came out of the master bathroom, JC was already on top of the bed, flipping the channels. "Need I mention that you are WAY too thin," Chris observed, looking at JC's skinny legs.

"I can't help it. You know how much I eat," JC protested. "Sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? I think you're beautiful," Chris said, then gasped. "Um, sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

"You think I'm beautiful?" JC whispered, sitting up. Chris nodded.

"I didn't at first. I mean, you were kinda dorky…but then again, weren't we all?" Chris said as he sat down next to JC. "But now…man, Jayce. You're beautiful. And I know most guys don't like being called beautiful. But…you are."

"Thank you," JC said. He cupped Chris' chin and kissed him. "So are you."

"Um, no, but thanks," Chris murmured.

"Yes. From the inside all the way out," JC whispered, kissing him again. He slowly pushed Chris back down onto the bed and began to nibble at his neck.

"JC…we're not…oh fuck…we're not having…sex…" Chris gasped as he unconsciously bucked up against JC.

"I know," JC whispered, his hand reaching up to stroke Chris' hair. "But I'm gonna make you WANT to have sex…just so you think about what you're missing."

"Trust me, JC…I think about that ALL the time," Chris groaned as JC bit down on his shoulder.

 

"What time is it?" Chris snapped as he reached across JC to answer the phone.

"Um, eleven?" Justin whispered.

"That means it's way too FUCKING early." Chris hung up the phone and shoved it under his pillow. Three seconds later it rang again. JC murmured something in his sleep and snuggled closer. Chris kissed his head, then answered the phone. "Justin, are you deaf? Did you miss when I said it was too early?"

"Chris…what happened last night…I'm sorry," Justin said softly, and Chris could hear the tears in his voice. "I'm so sorry I treated JC that way…he's my best friend."

"Hold on…Justin, hold on, dude," Chris said. He lightly shook JC. "Jayce…Joshua…"

"Mmmph?" JC asked, wiping his nose on Chris' chest. Chris tried not to be grossed out.

"JC, it's Justin."

JC shot up, eyes wide open. He grabbed the phone. "Justin?"

"JC…man, I'm so sorry. I should never have run out like that…and from what Joey said, I almost did something real dumb last night."

"You shouldn't drink like that, Justin. You know you can't hold it."

"I know," Justin said with a sigh. "Anyway, I was thinking. Well, let me back up. First of all, I'm still hurt you didn't tell us, but I understand your reasons why. Secondly…I was thinking that maybe we could make this public."

"What?" JC whispered, and Chris watched him go pale.

"Listen, JC. I mean, what if some detective or something finds it out some day. Then we need to come up with all kinds of reasons about why we never said anything in the first place. We could do it right. Maybe we could go on '60 Minutes' or Barbara Walters or something. We'd give a first-person interview, and then no one could ever try to turn any of it against us. And you'd be the one talking, but all five of us would be there to back you up and support you."

"Wow," JC said. Apparently Lance wasn't the only one with a serious business-like mind. "I'll have to think about that, Justin. But thank you. For being so supportive."

"You're welcome." Justin sighed with relief. "Wanna come over and shoot some hoops?"

"Yeah…how about after lunch? I need to go home and change and stuff."

"Okay. See ya later, Jayce. And I love you, man."

"You, too, J." JC hung up and looked at Chris, who was biting his nails. JC slapped his hands. "Stop that."

"Yes, Dad," Chris said, annoyed.

"Justin thinks I should go public about everything," JC said slowly.

"What? That's insane! I always knew he didn't have two curly brain cells to rub together," Chris snapped.

"I think I might do it," JC said, and Chris stared at him.

"What?"

"Think about it, Chris. It's like Justin said. If we say something first, no one can ever spring it on us down the line. And I'd do it right…go to someone like Barbara Walters or Oprah or something. It's the right thing to do." JC looked at Chris. "And if I know you guys are supporting me…"

"I've always supported you, JC, and I plan on doing it for a long time," Chris said seriously, and JC smiled. "Old habits die hard."

THE END


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